WHY and IF ONLY I think we have spoken these three words more in the last year or so than ever before, but i am sure you know that, as you are probably here listening to our conversations and known you, you will be saying 'stop wallowing' or 'change the record' Sorry Pen, its not that easy! Yes we know you are gone and you're not coming back but that does not stop us living in the past and wishing things could have turned out differently. We did the great north run 2 weeks ago, again you know this as you were with each of us willing us on and probably chuckling to yourself wondering who's wise idea it was to do it (knowing how unfit we are). Anyway we all completed it and raised a fair bit of money in the hope that other families do not have to go through what you did or we have since you were taken from us. Your 18th Birthday is fast approaching and now the why's and if only's are turning once again to anger. You should be here enjoying yourself and celebrating your 18th but you are not, i am sure you will still be celebrating it where-ever you are, but we are selfish and we wanted you to celebrate it with all of us. I know we will see you again in another life but we will continue to miss you and wish things were different. We will probably keeping asking Why and If Only until that day comes, hopefully we won't bore you to much between now and then! (but i am sure we will) Sending you loads and loads of love as always.